Money Problem: 'I discovered my husband's secret bank account - what should I do?'
A reader got in touch with the Money team after they made the gut-punch discovery that their husband had a secret bank account - a revelation that is much more common than widely assumed.
Wednesday 25 February 2026 10:42, UK
Our Money team helps a reader every week with their consumer issue or financial dispute...
Today's Money Problem comes from Jennifer...
"I've discovered, via a letter I accidentally opened, that my husband has a separate bank account I didn't know about. He says it's 'private', but we share all major bills."
Our Money live reporter Jess Sharp tackled this one...
Hey Jennifer - well that's a gut-punch discovery to make and it's understandable you are concerned about what this could mean.
Secrecy about money can shake trust in a relationship quickly, but you're not alone in this situation - in fact, a recent survey by Co-op Legal Services found nearly one in three married people aged 65 or over have secret assets.
One in seven (14%) older people said they had hidden assets from their spouse worth £50,000 or more.
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A separate study by Novuna Personal Finance suggests more than 17 million people are hiding a savings account from their partner.
This isn't always for sinister reasons. Some might be setting money aside for a surprise purchase, which could be good news for you.
Others might be making sure that they have some financial independence to fall back on should things go south - it's not a romantic scenario, but many would argue it is a sensible move.
Opportunity to be curious
I asked relationship expert Sarah Louise Ryan for her advice and she said moments like this represent a relationship crack.
On their own, they may appear small or easily rationalised, but left unexamined they tend to widen.
"This is an opportunity to be curious and explorative to rebuild trust before distance has the chance to take hold," she said.
She explained four important considerations in situations like this:
- Sometimes what is described as private is simply a boundary without good emotional literacy - it may be a way of maintaining individuality within a shared life;
- What feels like transparency to one partner can be a communication blind spot to the other;
- Emotional symbiosis can encourage assumption - this is where partners unconsciously believe they share the same definitions, values, and thresholds for disclosure;
- Reactions often speak louder than the behaviour itself - defensiveness, dismissal, or minimisation can be more revealing than the existence of a bank account.
What should you do if this happens to you?
Relationship coach Lorin Krenn said the first thing to do was to have a clear, calm conversation with your husband that avoids making any accusations.
He explained that while discovering a secret account can be "deeply unsettling", it's important that you don't let your imagination run quickly towards suspicion and betrayal.
"Financial privacy can stem from benign reasons such as inheritance, long-standing personal accounts, or an unexamined assumption that disclosure was unnecessary," he said.
"The key question is what the account represents to him. Privacy, independence, fear, or a need for control often sit beneath financial secrecy. Emotional safety in a relationship depends on both partners trusting that there are no hidden agendas and no withheld truths."
He said you should clearly express how the discovery affected you and ask your husband for full transparency around the purpose of the account, its history and the emotional role money plays for him.
If he replies openly, Krenn said the door is open for the relationship to be repaired.
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If he is defensive or dismissive, that signals a deeper issue around emotional maturity that requires attention, he added.
"Practical tools can support this process. A joint financial review clarifies shared values and expectations. A financial adviser can help formalise agreements that respect both autonomy and partnership," he said.
"Couples therapy offers a structured space to process the emotional impact and restore trust. Handled with maturity and truth, this moment can become a defining point of deeper alignment and strength within the relationship."